can i be happy on thanksgiving?

I love holidays. And Thanksgiving may be one of my favorites. So it really burns my turkey that this all had to happen right around the holidays. Will they be tainted forever now!? I'm just so mad. Though I've only known for a couple weeks now about all the infidelity, I'm realizing that it touches everything, it affects everything.

Simon won't be with us for Thanksgiving today because its simply too awkward to have him here. He was supposed to eat with our friends but they decided to go to Utah last minute. So Simon will be alone. And now I have to worry about him. And I don't want to. I really don't want to. But that's the kind of person I am. I don't want him to be lonely and sad on Thanksgiving with no dinner. I wish I didn't feel that way. He doesn't deserve it. I wish I could be a person that says, "Well, sucks to be you!" But I'm not. I worry about other peoples feelings.

And while that may be a great characteristic, I know that at times it can be a great weakness. That's something that S-Anon (I've only been to one meeting so far) has already taught me. They teach that you must be responsible for your own happiness. You can't let someone else's actions and attitudes and addictions affect your happiness. You simply can't. In other words, despite all the crap in your life because of your husband's sins...CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.

Learning that principle was really a life changing moment. I've always known I needed to choose to be happy. It's nothing new. I know thats what Heavenly Father wants: my happiness. It's the whole point! But hearing that I can be happy despite my husband, that I could even be happy without my husband, was like I said, life-changing. Because it meant I didn't have to depend on him. Because frankly, I can't. All trust, confidence and respect is gone. Totally gone. I cannot depend on him.

But I CAN and I CHOOSE to depend on Heavenly Father.

I've always loved the phrase "neither trust in the arm of flesh" taken from D&C 1:19. Have you read it? It's great. And for as long as I can remember, I always thought of that scripture, that phrase, as meaning that I shouldn't rely upon myself, my own arm of flesh, but rely on the Savior. And that's true. But going through this experience it's taken on an added meaning. It teaches me that I can't rely on Simon's arm of flesh either. I can't and shouldn't rely on man--that earthly, natural man that cannot give me everlasting peace and happiness. No. You can only trust in the arm of the Savior to make you whole. Peace and happiness is in the divine, in the gospel, in the scriptures, in temple covenants. They are things that are not of the dust of the earth. They are eternal.

So today, I choose to be happy on Thanksgiving. I choose to remember my blessings. Because I have many. So many! Yes, Simon has caused a lot, and I mean A LOT, of grief and turmoil. But I have many things in my life to rejoice and be thankful about: my three beautiful children (and they really are beautiful), parents who love and support me, a dear friend that I can confide in because she's going through roughly the same thing, yams to eat today!, a good night's rest, the gospel in my life, and my sealing to my children.

President Monson, our prophet whom I just love, said, "We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude." Such wisdom. Because I've been dwelling in the "realm of negative thought" a lot lately. And yes, he's so right, when we work on a thankful heart, we are so much happier and ready to face the day.

Happy Thanksgiving. 

Love,

AnneGirl