my first temple visit post d-day

The 405 was wide open. It was wonderful. Of course, it probably always is at 6:15 am on Saturday mornings. But I wouldn't know. I've never attended a temple session that early before. Dad and I talked and laughed on the way there and hoped that our session wouldn't be in Tongan (that had happened to Dad once). But Tongan or not, I was going into the temple. 

Finding out about the sex addiction/infidelity/lies robbed me of many things: trust, respect, confidence, sleep, happiness and others thats it's hard to pinpoint. But one thing it's definitely robbed me of is peace. Thoughts, and feelings and memories are constantly running through my brain. Constantly.

But in the temple, there is peace. There is inspiration, guidance, comfort, blessed and glorious peace! 

I sat down to start the session and looked around at the other women sitting too. Most, if not all, were Latina. I asked the temple worker if this session were in Spanish. It wouldn't be a big deal, but I had come wanting answers and it would be easier to understand them in English, ya know! She assured me it was in English. Phew. 

And I did learn. I received answers. I felt peace. At the end, as I walked into the Celestial Room, I felt a gust of air sweep over me. And the only way I can describe it, is by the phrase, "Breath of fresh air." I felt more relaxed at that moment than I had in weeks. The thoughts were still there. But they seemed clarified. Like I could process them more accurately. 

I'll be honest. I asked Heavenly Father for confirmation that I should divorce Simon. That was the decision that I had come to: divorce. But I desperately wanted confirmation. I had a small wrenching in my stomach as I even thought the words in a secret prayer to Heavenly Father. I had never dreamed that I would sit in the Celestial Room contemplating divorce from a man I had so willingly and lovingly been sealed to in just the other room. It's pure craziness. 

But yet, there I was. And I wasn't exactly receiving confirmation of divorce. Instead, this thought entered my mind, "I don't have to know right now." It's true, I don't. But I'm impatient. I like being organized, having a plan, knowing my next move. But as I sat there in "the breath of fresh air", feeling wonderful peace and stillness, I knew I would have to wait for answers. 

Peace was enough for today. I thought about my Heavenly Father, about how I can trust Him. I thought about how He loves me, about how He's always blessed me. I thought about the gospel in my life, about how much my sealing to my three children means to me. I felt great peace. I knew everything would be ok.

Because everything will be ok in the end. And if it's not ok, then it's not the end. 

Love,
AnneGirl