wisdom from my bishop

A lot of comfort, guidance and inspiration on how to move forward from Discovery Day, has come from my priesthood leaders. Bishop and President probably don't even realize it. But often their counsel was an answer to an prayer, thought or question that I may have had only minutes before.

Simon and I met with Bishop three days after D-Day. He met privately with me first while Simon waited on those blue floral couches that every church seems to have. I walked in with my arms folded, clutching myself for comfort and warmth. I had eaten in three days.

Bishop sat down and asked if he could say a prayer. He started and the Spirit swept over me like an ocean wave and wrapped me tightly. Tears streamed down my face. So many tears. Bishop's heart was heavy. I could feel his love and grief for me. I could feel the Savior's love for me. When I looked up, I saw Him. His picture hung right behind Bishop's desk.

When I poured my heart out to Bishop, I poured it out to my Savior too. Even though I had been praying on my knees like crazy lately, talking to Bishop and telling him the story really helped me. I had no sins to confess, but sitting there talking to Bishop really lightened a burden I didn't know I was carrying.

Of course, I had talked to my family a ton about everything. But I was exhausted of it. Families want to help, but usually what they had to say was of no use to me. It just made me feel worse. I didn't want to hear that people had been suspecting something too or that he was the weak link or that I should divorce him or that I could never trust him again.

What I wanted to hear, what I needed to hear was that I was supported no matter the decisions I made. I just needed someone to listen when I was read to talk about it. I just needed to hear the words, "You're strong. You'll decide what's best. You can do this. I am here for you."

I felt that from Bishop. And then he told me something that has honestly changed and strengthened my relationship with my Heavenly Father. He said, "AnneGirl, I don't ever want you to think that Heavenly Father gave you this trial. Simon has given you this trial."

It was the most illuminating, loving thought. And I knew it was true. Up until that point, I had gladly accepted the fact of, "Maybe I'm supposed to learn something from this? Maybe Heavenly Father needs me to go through this? Did I choose this in the pre mortal existence?"

But to hear those words come from Bishop's mouth, I knew that the HE was answering those questions. "No, my daughter. I have not given you this trial. Simon has. He has his free agency. I'm so sorry. I love you."

I never knew that free agency could hurt so badly, and that it could affect and hurt the innocent just as much, if not more than the sinner. But I chose free agency. I voted for it. I voted to come to this earth and experience mortality in all it's glory and sorrow. I know that. But I know now that Heavenly Father doesn't hand out trials because He looked at me and thought, "Hmm. AnneGirl is way to happy down there. Let's teach her some humility. Simon, go be adulterous."

Never. Never, never, never, never. Simon used his free agency. He chose sin. Heavenly Father didn't give me this terrible experience. Simon did.

I am so thankful for a Bishop that is close to the Spirit and could answer my heartfelt pleadings in just a couple inspired phrases. They have made all the difference.

Love,

AnneGirl