Satan Hates Date Night

"I can't help flying up on the wings of anticipation. It's as glorious as soaring through a sunset...almost pays for the thud." -L.M. Montgomery

I wrote the following on my Instagram account Friday: 

Simon is taking me out on a date tonight. GASP. The first since discovery and honestly it feels like our first date ever. It's my first date with new and sober Simon. Hopefully, a man who's working on a complete change of heart. It's our first attempt at falling back in love. We may crash and burn. But we may be at the start of something beautiful. A lot of "what ifs" but a lot of potential. Whatever happens tonight I deserve dessert. 

And crash and burn we did. Major THUD! And it all happened before the date even started: 

I stood there curling my hair for the date with my kids crawling and playing at my ankles when Simon texted me. He asked what time the babysitter should get there. 

Me: "5:45/6ish."

Simon: "Ok. I should be home by then."

I looked up Simon's location to see how far away he was. It was 5pm. His location showed him parked in a grocery parking lot...five minutes from our house. 

That pounding lump of adrenaline I get when I'm being lied to, came full force. But I played it cool. 

Me: "Is traffic bad?"

Simon: "No thank heavens."

I was pissed. But I always give a second chance to be honest and come clean--or maybe I kinda like to see him dig that hole and see how far he'll go. To watch the train wreck pile up in a blazing heap. 

Me: "So where are you at on the freeway?"

Me: after a few minutes: "?"

Simon: "On the phone."

Me: "With who?"

Me: after another few minutes: "?"

Simon: "Customer escalation. Freeway was quick. Almost home."

Me: "Consider our date canceled."

I had no idea what Simon was really doing in that parking lot and I didn't care. The fact was I was being LIED TO AGAIN. 

I immediately called the babysitter and canceled. Simon could watch the kids and I would go out on my own. I was all dressed up and looked pretty for heavens sake! I wasn't going to waste my night. 

Simon came through the door looking confused. I stomped around the house accusing and cleaning (it's how I channel my anger--I get a lot done when I'm angry, fortunately.) He sat on the bed while I told him I knew he had lied. He gave excuses, saying he had to jump on a conference call for work quickly and had just pulled into the parking lot to focus. So why lie? Why say you're on the freeway? Why not write "in the grocery parking lot"? Why say it was a customer escalation when it was a conference call? Why the need to lie about your whereabouts? Why lie about the most stupid details of your life? Nothing an addict tries to explain makes sense. 

Simon apologized. Like so many times before he admitted, I don't know why I lie. 

He's lied for so long, it's simply a habit. The lies roll off his tongue about everything and anything. It's maddening. 

Simon suggested I go out anyways and he'd watch the kids. I exploded, "But I wanted to go out with YOU! Why do you have to ruin everything!" 

He didn't say anything. I furiously continued to clean and organize. As my thoughts boiled in my brain, I remarkably thought of the temple. And I remembered the old adage of "Satan will do everything in his power to keep you and your husband from attending the temple. Don't let anything stand in your way" (or something like that.) 

Looking back, every time I wanted to attend the temple, something would invariably come up: the keys would be lost, a reccommend was expired, traffic was bad, we'd have an argument--there was always something trying to prevent me from getting there. I think Satan knows that a couple that attends the temple together draws closer to one another and to The Lord. Their marriage is strengthened. And he does not want that. 

Simon and I weren't trying to go to the temple (because he can't), but we were attempting to strengthen our marriage. And Satan does not want that. He thinks he has my marriage and family tightly in his grasp and the last thing he wants is for us to loosen his hold on us. 

Lightbulb: Satan hates date night. And he is laughing at us. 

In an instant, I was yelling at Simon to get ready now, get the kids in the car, we were taking them to my aunts house, hurry up, we are going on that date if it kills us! 

He obeyed. And we were off. We didn't speak a word. I was still pissed but I was not going to give Satan the satisfaction. He does not win with me. Ever. 

When we finally pulled into the restaurant, I was ready to just jump right out. But I looked over at Simon and saw the remorse in his eyes. So I waited while he hung his head low. He fumbled with the keys a bit and then finally murmured a soft "I'm so sorry." He couldn't meet my gaze. 

I let him explain his side of the story. And it all checked out--as far as I know. But he had still lied. Once again, I had to explain how lying was a HUGE trigger for me. When he lies, I have no choice but to believe that he acted out in some way. I told him, YOU MUST VIEW EVERY SITUATION FROM MY PERSPECTIVE. Once again, I had to explain that any lie, no matter how small, was BIG to me. 

I actually thought he might cry. But he kept it in. It's ok. I feel like he's learning. Baby steps. 

So, MIRACULOUSLY, we went to dinner and actually had that date that Satan tried to thwart. We ate a ton. Really, way too much. We talked and laughed and sometimes we just sat and stared. But it was nice all things considered. I tried to stay and live in the moment and let everything else fall by the wayside. I wasn't perfect, but I chose to be happy at that table in Red Lobster and see the man opposite of me as someone worth loving and letting myself fall in love with again. 

We had crashed and burned. But we picked up our bloody carcasses and went to dinner anyways. It was a good bandaid. Let's hope it sticks until we can get another.