SAnon or ARP?

For weeks I've been hearing and reading about the debate of attending SAnon or the Church's ARP, both for addicts and loved ones. Which is better? Which one will help the most?

After attending both now, the answer for me and my husband is GO TO BOTH. Here's what I've found. 

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT S-ANON:

-structure 

-anonymity

-no cross talk

-experienced members

-efficiency

-community fellowship

-unabashed honesty

At SAnon everything seems orderly. We have a schedule and stick to it. I love the strength and experience of the women there. I love all the practical resources they offer. I love the slogans and tools and find myself repeating them daily. They help immensely. And though SAnon is spiritual and a Higher Power is constantly referenced, it's nice to focus on real life situations of the members and glean from their experience, strength and hope as they successfully recover for themselves. 

At first, I felt awkward with the whole "Hi, I'm Anne" thing to which everyone in the group responds at once "Hi Anne." And then once you're done speaking everyone says, "Thanks Anne." It was so funny to me and I smiled awkwardly a few times in the beginning. But now I LOVE IT. Why? Because you feel validated. You feel recognized. You feel you have rapt attention. You feel understood. You feel welcome. It's a simple little thing to say your name and have it repeated back to you. But I've come to understand that it is everything during this emotional, scary and lonely time. 

Everyone experiencing the trauma of a loved one's addiction should go to SAnon. I will never stop going. 

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT ARP:

-religious understanding

-focus on the Atonement

-open discussion 

-welcoming

-non-judgmental 

I love attending for the spiritual aspects. I love the quotes, scriptures and experiences found in the steps. I love that the church is more openly acknowledging the shame around addiction and giving us a program to find healing and support. I love that I can pretty much speak when I'd like during the meeting. 

However, because there isn't a "no cross talk" rule, and because at least in mine there is no real structure for sharing, the meeting can easily be monopolized by one or two people. I end up feeling frustrated by this because I know that there are certain women in the group who would like to talk but don't really get the chance. And that is unfair. During this time, you need support not opinions and advice. And sadly, at mine there seem to be a lot of well-intentioned but unasked for opinions. What works for one person may not work for the next. 

I love the facilitator of the group, but she is unable to REALLY and PERSONALLY relate since they were called to serve in this position and are not recovering addicts and spouses themselves. At our last meeting, she apologized ahead of time that she would be saying the word "masturbation."  That irked me. If we are trying to eliminate the shame and talk with complete honesty about this addiction and our recovery from it's effects on us then for heavens sake don't make the word "masturbation" seem so awful and embarrassing that you have to warn us ahead of time. That's adding to the problem! Again, she is amazing. She is compassionate. She is welcoming. She works hard. But it is huge to me to know she has not gone through this herself. Because of that, I just can't fully connect to her. 

But with that said, GO. Your particular group may be vastly different than mine. And if it's the same as mine, still go. You can strengthen others and strengthen your testimony. The women in your group need you. And you will be an even greater force for good if you can share with them what you've gained from SAnon. 

My biggest concern is that Mormons just go to ARP because it is church approved and think that's all the support they need. You can NEVER have enough GOOD support. You need BOTH SAnon and ARP. 

Thankfully, my meetings are on separate nights so I am able to do both. Life is now jam packed with meetings for my husband and I: SA, SAnon, ARP, therapy, couples therapy, firesides, etc. We are busier than ever and it actually feels good. Thankfully, we are so far able to juggle it all. 

If you're forced to choose one meeting over the other in a particular week, then assess your needs and choose which meeting you think will help the most. You know yourself best. 

For me, I need SAnon. There is something special about it. My husband feels the same about SA. I most always leave feeling hopeful and more confident in myself and my capabilities. 

I'm not a bad Mormon for saying I've found a little more support away from the church's program. It doesn't mean you don't have enough faith in the gospel. It doesn't mean you're angry or bitter. There is truth to be found everywhere. SAnon and ARP when attended together complement each other wonderfully. It is such a blessing. 

You need the sisterhood of LDS and non-member friends alike. 

"Keep coming back, it works every time if you work it, and you're worth it!"